Wednesday, July 26, 2006

AJ & the John Wayne airport security shutdown!!!

Ed and Ginny's flying trip from Phoenix via the John Wayne airport security madness and back. Another flying trip from hell with AJ, the cat!!! Here we go:

Guys: a quick run-down on the derailments we ran into. We got derailed so many times I felt like John Kerry after the Swift Boat team got cranked.

Plan: Pick up Ginny after work and fly out to CA Friday nite--have leisurely dinner, good nights sleep, have all Sat AM to view CA coast in and around Dana Point/San Clemente, walk the beach, etc. Have early lunch with Catherine, spend afternoon with her, take her to dinner at her favorite restaurant (Peiking Dragon, off Coast Highway in Dana Point), get back to hotel early, have swim, maybe a work-out--get good night's sleep. Sunday AM, brunch with a whole crowd of crazies around "tennish to one-ish"--drive up to Mission Viejo, pick up AJ, our newest member of family (best way to do it, no Ceasarian, no college fees rolling up in 18 years). Then to Airport, fly back, get home in mid-evening, good night's sleep, back to work Monday. Uh-huh.

Actual trip. Fri: to airport for 6 PM flight, thru security, waiting at gate at 4:30 one hour before we emplane at 5:30. Crew and plane have both been re-routed to Tucson due to storms. Plane finally arrives around 7 PM, but no crew. Crew finally arrives close to 8PM. We board. Long line of planes waiting (similar problems). No storms reach Phoenix. Airport closed down. 9:15 or so, flights start again--but we are asked to deplane because too late to fly in to Orange County. Curfew is 10:30 for arrivals--we can't make that. Off plane. Re-book earliest flight next AM (6:30--warned be early, two hours, they'll be a mob waitng for cancellations. Have to be at airport around 4:30.) No food since a light lunch. Go to Park 'n Fly, get car, drive home to Mesa, stop for food at 11:30, eat and get home arround 12:30. Feed cats, find new clothes for AM, shower and to bed about 1:30, pushing 2 AM.

Up at 3:30 SAT, 1.5 hrs sleep. Dress, feed cats, drive to Fly n' Park--no openings. Jammed because of overflow from day before. Find another one nearby, more expensive, but we get in (only a few spots left). To airport. Check in. Plane is late (first one out, late!). Leave an hour late, get to Orange County, pick up rental, drive to San Clemente. (Both hotel and car were pre-booked for Friday, which we still have to pay for, although we now start on Sat.) Get to hotel at 11:30. Call Catherine, pass on lunch with her. Have a lunch next to hotel at Waffle Lady. God awful. Food is terrible. Eggs runny and tiny. Sausages turn out to be some sort of knockwurst that was made in 1941 and stockpiled somewhere in case we wanted to kill the Japs when they arrived here. Fifteen minutes of chewing a bite made it looser but still deadly. Ginny has a waffle that was used as packing material to ship auto parts from Detroit--to Europe, my guess, then to CA. Go back to hotel room, shower, clean up, change to fresh clothes and go to see Catherine around 3 PM. No nap.

Visit and dinner with Catherine, great fun--wonderful lady--all of laughing the whole time. Read her one of my stories from the Staying Sane books, which she insisted on keeping to show her daughters (whom we've met--one of whom is quite ill, unfortunately). Back to our hotel--and a great night's sleep (a good eight hours and a scoche).

Sunday AM--we followed Betty's directions to the meet at the Courtyard Plaza ("go down a long hill, or is it a short one up, actually it's up and down...about a half mile before you see a chain fence around a school, take a right...about a mile before you drive into the water, take a left..."). The Border Guards at Tijuana sent us back in the right direction, and fortunately we arrived only about ten minutes after the apointed time (of ten). I had no chance to dash in calling out, "Tennish anyone" (the "opener" I had stored up like nuts for the winter ever since we set the time), because Betty grabbed me, threw me against the wall and began whaling me once for each smartass remark I had made to her over the last year or so. This took some time. I think I got to the table around 11:15. Then we had a fantastic visit all around. I can only speak for Ginny and me, but we had a ball! Great company, wonderful stories, just a terrific time. Thanks again, all, for coming, and for those of you who couldn't come--EAT DIRT!

Off to pick up our poor traumatized cat. Poor kid had been bounced all over the place for weeks. A great cat, too, even as scared as he has been. Nice visit with the cat people and off to the Airport where the fun began again.

Checked in, went through security--all no problem. People couldn't have been nicer. One of the security men helped me get AJ back in the carrier--he had put his head under my arm and was holding on for dear life (and I heard him quote Dorothy Parker precisely, "What fresh hell is this?"). Down to the gate area, a cup of coffee and a muffin. About 45 minutes before our boarding time, buzzers, whistles, horns, announcements--everyone must evacuate the terminal, a security breach. No other info. All of us out--people on the planes, people waiting to board--ALL AIRLINES, EVERYONE, OUT.

Outside, the line waiting for clearance to get back in through security (when they give the word) is literally in the thousands. The entire outer lobby is filled with people waiting to get back in for their flights. We have a cat who is going to need water, and food, and a litter box long before we can wait out that line (hours at a minimum after the okay is given). We go to our airline, rebook for the next AM--first flight we can get on is 12:44. We did this just in time. Tons of people pushing up right after us--many panicked, surly, noisy, pushing ahead of others, a real treat.

Now, how do we find a hotel that will take our cat, and that is nearby, and not in Hell's Kitchen with broken locks on the door and roaches waiting to greet us. We know nothing about the area or where the hotels might be. We call one of the the Cat Rescue people who had been caring for AJ--a Linda. She jumps to horse, gets on her computer to find us a hotel, and comes to the airport with cat food and a litter box to take us there. We end up at the Holiday Inn for the night. Poor AJ has been subjected to all the "emergency horns and blasters," all the crowds of shoving people, and now he ends up in a hotel room for the night. We put him in the bathroom with food, water and the litter box and go down to eat some dinner. We then take a quick swim, and after that we spend half an hour--the three of us on the bathroom floor visiting and getting acquainted.

The hell with it--we let him out in the room with us for the night. He "visits" us all night--talking a blue streak, butting us to ask for petting, and by AM he is calmly sleeping at our feet. As soon as we get up, shower and start to pack--where is AJ? Under the huge king bed in the geographical center. There is about four inches from the floor to the bottom of the bed--neither of us can crawl under to get him. We finish packing, keeping AJ advised of our doings. "We're almost packed AJ--want to come out and see?" Suuuure. Once everything is ready. Ginny and I lay on each side and try to snake our arms in to meet and usher him out at the foot. He goes like a shot to the very head of the bed against the wall. Ah, the bed is on rollers and only weighs seven tons. I post Ginny at the head, and--at the foot--I pull the bed toward me. Before she can grab him, he is off to the foot of the bed (farthest point from the opening). But now we sneak down and quickly get an arm in and I've got him! I move him out from under, and pick him up into my arms. He greets me with a piteous meoww and uses all sixteen of his feet to try to get loose. (Multiply 16 times 5 for the number of claws.) Into the bathroom where we have the carrier standing on end, and--at last into the carrier head first! Zip, zip, and we are ready to depart. AJ is disgusted with us, but he settles in.

Off to the airport, check in, thru security, plane is a little late (1/2 hour for boarding) but then we are on and seated. Announcement! A problem with the cargo fire safety lights. They won't go on when tested. Crew is working on it. Can't leave if not fixed--have to know if a fire breaks out in cargo hold. (Why--so we'll have time to pray before the crash? Can't the believers wait here and let all atheists with cats fly on? No? Crap.) Interim announcements. Still working on problem. Finally, about two hours late--we are off and airborne. Rest of trip is incident free. Car park people take one look at Ginny and me as we are paying at their gate and they hand us free bottles of water. Nice touch.

Home and hearth. Between last night and today, AJ has disappeared three times and we've found him twice. He is now in some hole in some closet trying to set fire to any suitcases he sees. I'm with him. I've left matches for him at all the likely doorways.

Cheers, Ed

:))) Wrap!

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