Saturday, March 31, 2007

Kickin' back with those internet writers...

There are some websites and blogs that I read just for pure enjoyment. Very sitting on a front porch when you're a kid and listening to the adults talk. Or very amusing, like hearing talk while walking on a city street. Here's a small selection:

Overheard In New York:

Guy #1: My relationship isn't working out.
Guy #2: What's wrong, dude?
Guy #1: Well, I woke up today and realized there was a vase sitting on the mantle.
Guy #2: What the hell does that have to do with it?
Guy #1: It has no purpose! It just sits there!
Guy #2: Um... I think that's what vases usually do.
Guy #1: Exactly! That's why I didn't have any. They don't do anything. They're useless. There's absolutely no reason to have one, and now all of a sudden, I do. [Desperately] What has happened to me?!
Burly man who pulled frat boy out of tracks: Dude, are you drunk?
Frat boy: Ah... Ah... I don't know. I guess I had something to drink.
Burly man: Dude, next time you get on a train make sure it's there first!*********************************
Teen #1: So this kid, Jason -- every time we go to a party, he takes a bunch of beers and hides them around whoever's house we're at.
Teen #2: You mean, where nobody could find them?
Teen #1: Yeah -- in a potted plant, an underwear drawer, the mailbox -- anywhere that will ensure him a beer later on.
Teen #2: Christ, he's like an alcoholic Easter Bunny.
Going back to Valerie Street

One of my abiding interests is in the places where I once lived. I'm drawn back to them to see how they've changed.
I've got a lot of mileage showing on my odometer and I've switched places of residence many times, so I'll never get back to all my former homes. I've crossed dozens of them off my list, though.
The other day I went back and rolled along the 4600 block of Valerie Street in Bellaire. (Bellaire, Texas, that is.) I bought a new house on that block in 1951, I think it was. 4631 Valerie. Three bedrooms, one bath, attached garage. Price, $11,500.
That house is no longer there. In the mid-50s Interstate Loop 610 came along and wiped it out. The feeder road of the West Loop now runs through where my living room was.
[cont. at link above]
Friday, March 30, 2007

A review of the US troop chow hall in Kuwait: Would Michelin give it three stars?I'm currently at an unnamed US airbase in Kuwait and getting ready to fly out to Baghdad tonight..
But first things first. I mean visiting combat zones is nice and all that but..did your mother teach you ANYTHING?
Nothing is more important than food! First let's talk about food.
My first impression upon walking into the airbase commissary tent was, "Wow!"
They handed me a plate and then served me one-fourth of a chicken, broccoli, mashed potatoes and green beans. High-end cafeteria food but tasty and lots of it. I heaped up on that.
Then I noticed the salad bar. Mama, I'm home! Vitamins. High fiber. Anti-oxidants. Fruit. Eat your vegetables, troops!
Then I discovered the salad bar. And the coffee bar. And the juice bar. And the soda bar and the cold bottled water.
"But Jane," I asked myself. "What about dessert?"Chocolate pudding and ice cream bars. Not Chez Panisse or nothing but good. And the ambiance was great.
For an Army canteen, it was like Better Homes and Gardens -- red table cloths and silken flowers tastefully arranged in ceramic vases.
Plus lots of really hot dudes dressed in khaki and camo walking around with automatic weapons slung over their shoulders.
[cont at link above]
Live! From Paradise! #100
March 28th, 2007
The Old Billionaire’s been thinking about buying property near our mountain, and a few days ago I went with him while he looked the place over.
And what a place. Four hundred acres, mostly rolling pasture, with a mile of river frontage. Stock ponds, a humongous horse barn and two relatively new houses thrown in for good measure.
The Old Billionaire and I stood in a light rain near the smaller of the houses and took it all in. My thoughts were sharp and clear: What a beautiful place.
His words were just as sharp and even more clear: “It’ll do.”
[cont at link above]


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